ARTIST@WORK

Just a little 'afterword' from me

2011-12-12T22:38:00.000-08:00

Hello friends,

First of all I'd like to thank you for your support and for following my project.

There have now been 3 artists working under the ARTIST@WORK PROJECT and it really has been a growing experience for the artists but for me especially.

I started this project purely because I had a free rectangular(ish) space and I wanted to do something different with it. My uncle once taught me that space is one of the most precious thing anyone can own and but for me it was freedom.
So as I always do, I started to dream. I imagined a space with no judgement, no framing, a space where you can control everything that comes out of it.

The interest is obviously in the work that gets produced within the glass walls but I also wanted to shine a light or rather expose the behind-the-scenes. I've always wondered about the steps taken to completing a piece of work. Which is why I ask the artists involved in this project to keep a blog and they have done an amazing job at that!

The ARTIST@WORK PROJECT studio is open to public visits and perhaps it is still a strange concept to be able to just drop by and 'chat' to the artist but please do feel free.

Lastly, I would like to thank from the bottom of my hippie heart to the 3 incredible artists: Daniela C.B. Yohannes who has moved to Paris to paint, Melanie L. Del G. who has just come back from a group exhibition in Europe and last but not least Soofia, whose exhibition pieces are now in her homeland; Pakistan.

The studio is now free and anyone who is interested in participating in the project please do not hesitate to email me at: artist.at.work.bkk@gmail.com

: )

Adulaya

Beginning to an End

2011-08-29T05:49:00.000-07:00

I choose to follow my heart without logic, without reason. I may end up in a dark alley, or a temporary oasis...I might gain the strength to carry on or to stop...its time to let my choices make me.

PS: This may be the last of the self portraits I have been doing for this residency blog. I will continue to take photos, will continue to write. Where, is the question. Will announce it soon on my website (www.soofiaasad.com).

What & How

2011-08-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

I have always had a fascination with the life of a struggling artist. People who live from day to day, not knowing if the next day they would have enough to live by. But they continue to believe in their work, in their art...

In pursuit of a steady (day) job, I went for advice to an expert. His advice was to take my photography work out of my CV and focus only on my MBA credentials to improve my possibilities. His advise was logical, sensible. My reaction was this photo.

I Lie Silently in the Dark

2011-08-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Pieces of furniture lying around, silently in the dark, have so much meaning in our lives. Whether it is for the memories associated with them, or just the familiarity of their presence, we hold on to them, seeking life in the lifeless.

PS: You may wonder why I am putting up new work on this blog even though my project has concluded. To me this blog has been a very important part of the journey. It is a more honest exhibit of my work than the portraits hanging on the walls at the studio. So until the exhibit concludes, I will speak.

Silent Images: Opening Night

2011-08-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Pikture Gallery (www.thepikturegallery.com) for supporting new artists and giving them space to express without boundaries.

The Silent Images exhibition (photographs and stop motion videos) can be viewed until September 15, 2011-10 am to 7 pm all days except Mondays. If anyone wants to talk to the artist/photographer (i.e. me!) about the work, please feel free to contact me on soofia.asad@gmail.com.

Depth of Field

2011-08-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

Was the opening night a beginning of something else or was it an end to a part of the journey? Everything else was beyond the depth of field until the big moment arrived. Is it time to change the lens?

PS: Thanks for everyone's support and love. Will upload photos of the opening night soon.

Kindness in Hot Chocolate

2011-08-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

As I was finishing up the work last night, I started feeling heavy and light at the same time. I saw my photos and all emotions that have been behind each one of them came rushing through me all at once. I turned off the lights and suddenly felt very alone and yet together.

Just then, a lady from the upstairs cake studio came down and gave me a mug of hot chocolate...just like that. A stranger's little act of kindness just when I needed it the most...

There are no coincidences in life!

The Scene Behind the Scene

2011-08-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but whenever I'm on a motorbike and it starts to rain, it tickles me. The bike drivers start getting annoyed, their speed increases...they start struggling with their helmets without wipers. People start rushing for cover frantically. I smile.

I had spent the entire day yesterday covering the room for videos with black satin. In my ingenuity, I had used velcro strips to hold them together on the fish strings. The windows had been covered in black paper with mounting tape to ensure the room is pitch black except for the video screens. As I climbed the stairs, I saw that some curtains and papers had fallen-the velcro and tape had failed me. Out came the stapler and masking tape. It was a pleasure stapling the cloth together. I stapled much more than I needed to. By mid-day, it was all under control.

It was my daughter's first day of year 1 in her school, so I rushed back to receive her and listen to her oh-so-important issues with the new teacher and friends in her class. While listening, I dozed off. Bad mommy! After her bed time, I headed off to the studio again to begin work on the room for the stills. The quite darkness of the space combined with light rain made me realize how much I am going to miss this space...physically and metaphorically.

I had saved the toughest mounting tape for the prints. Ironically, it was difficult for me to take the prints out of the bubble wrap and leave them out nude in the open. It's my first exhibit...the first time I have had my photos printed this big and mounted. With the risk of sounding vain, they looked beautiful. I finally gave my self a pat on my back and prayed that people would come and feel. Tomorrow we will see the performance and endurance of the mounting tape.

I received a wish today that said 'hope the hard work pays off'. Today I feel, it has already paid off.

Women on Display

2011-08-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

Exhibition Details in Bangkok Post today.

Of Happy & Unhappy Helpers

2011-08-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

People at the gallery witnessed me inflicting child labor the other day when they saw my 5 year old daughter cleaning the glass walls of my studio. So today, I was presented with a volunteer to assist me with setting up the rooms. Khun Atthaphone (I hope I write his name correctly), a painter and artist himself, chose to spend his precious Sunday at the studio to help me out. The fact that a stranger was willing to do that made me get my act together and start working myself.

The other helpers (some happy, some not too happy) arrived when we were almost done with the days work...They helped, nevertheless; specially when they were asked to pose for documenting photos. In between the posing and helping, we ended up with shoes made of yellow garbage bags (that were originally being used for giving a tint to the oh-so-white tube lights in the studio) and some bracelets made from mounting tape (ouch!).

With the room for the videos taking shape, and the prints and books arriving on time, I decided to breathe. 3 more days to go!!!

Invitation!

2011-08-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

From A to B

2011-08-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

A small clip from one of my favorite stop motion sequences from the series, SILENT IMAGES. This is the longest one with 1700 photos.

Catalyst

2011-07-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

Others are never the reason for your choices. They may be messengers, catalysts or even the representation of all that you want from life. Your path is your own.

If...

2011-07-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

I am not a victim, but that doesn't make me the culprit. If I am the culprit, it doesn't mean I am guilty. If I am guilty, doesn't mean I repent.

If I don't repent, then I am going the right way...

Snippet-Silent Images

2011-07-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Clip from one of the seven stop motion videos to be showcased in my exhibition opening on August 18, 2011 at the Pikture Gallery, Bangkok. Will share complete videos after the the exhibit.

Freedom from Self: So many moulds to break, so many layers to shed. As I move forward, I realize, the freedom I seek is from myself.

Death

2011-07-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

We have faith that life and death is in the hands of a supreme being. But we don't have faith that death with life is in our own.

Adhesives

2011-07-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

Surface, texture & weight have to be considered to mend what is broken. The wrong adhesive will not work.

And if the cracks are missing pieces, even the right one wont.

Announced

2011-07-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

Evacuating

2011-07-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Parting from a space, and everything associated with it, is inevitable at times. Whether we leave a part of us in that space or take a part of that place along, is entirely our choice.

Tangible

2011-07-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

We can see our feelings, touch our dreams, feel the weight of our emotions, hear the breaking of our thoughts. Their tangibility is the proof that they are real.

With this thought, I close shop at the studio and will spend my last month in this program conceiving and converting the same space into an exhibit venue. The 5 months already spent here sometimes seem like 5 years, other times mere 5 minutes. I look forward to sharing some clips from my main project in the near future.

Blinding Clarity

2011-07-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

Lights that wash out everything around you will still be there when you have the courage to open your eyes to them-They just wont seem as stark.

Breath

2011-07-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

We take our first breath when we are born and our dependence on each breath begins.

And yet it takes so much out of us just to learn to breathe.

Colorless

2011-07-07T00:55:00.000-07:00

Dried and worn out paint doesn't mix with a fresh layer on top. Only makes it uneven and bumpy.

Peeling out the veneer and going colorless for a while until you can lovingly pick the right shade and quality takes effort.

I am ready to toil...

Indisposed disposition

2011-07-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

Temptation, consumption, excretion-A cycle we are designed to follow, be it with food, or emotions.

Reflections

2011-07-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

A broken mirror reflects a broken you. It questions your completeness. Your truth remains only if you know...

Layers

2011-07-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

When you start appreciating yourself is when you truly and sincerely start acknowledging the goodness in other people. A cycle of extension begins...

Last night I met an inspiring woman. Her parting prayer was 'May we both continue to seek the wisdom in our fears'...

And I shed another layer.

Inspired

2011-06-30T22:07:00.000-07:00

"No one should ever ask themselves that why am i unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy."

-The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

Scattered

2011-06-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

Is it even possible to be in unison with yourself, when there are so many of you...each wanting to go separate ways?

My Portrait

2011-06-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

Here is an article about my journey as an artist that has brought me to Artist@Work, written by me. Shatter the Looking Glass is an online magazine run by Natalie Jesionka, who I met through my work at the residency. I am grateful to her for finding something in my journey worth sharing.

Rain

2011-06-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just watch and take pleasure, other times you have the urge to feel it in your hands. You have to walk through puddles and embrace the muck that gets on you as you pass.

And then there are times you want nothing else but to get drenched with complete abandonment.

Just a thought

2011-06-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

Can always walk bare feet...

Rust

2011-06-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

High expectations others have of us are often lamented about. We forget to think about those who expect very little of us...when we know we have so much more to give but can't until finally we are unable to...

Nocturnal

2011-06-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

My days aren't mine, but the nights are...when I am nothing and everything.

Met Unmet

2011-06-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

Intended purposes fulfilled, expectations still unmet...should we redefine expectations or the purpose itself?

Distances

2011-06-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

Distances become irrelevant at times-It seems like the easiest thing to just reach out and touch. Here is to all such times.

Relationship in a Box

2011-06-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Why do we incessantly want to label and categorize our relationships? Why do we insist on living like a hobo, a homeless wandering soul who dwells in a box?

Doubts

2011-06-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

You may doubt the existence of the storm that passed while you hid. The realization that it happened comes when you begin to see the devastation it had caused around you. But for that you would have to open your eyes.

It was real.

...

2011-06-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

Lending myself

2011-06-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

How many times do we say or at least think that the other person owes us something-an explanation, a kiss, an expression, a goodbye. Are we such seasoned loan-sharks, lending ourselves to people we love and expecting a return? Or are we just desperate for all those things we demand constantly-begging with a shallow pride?

Rent-Free

2011-06-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe 'home' is just a state of mind-some associate it with a physical place, some with a country.

And then some find their home within another person.

In any case, its never rent-free.

Visitors from Bangkok University

2011-06-15T00:25:00.000-07:00

Today I had visitors from the Bangkok University-students of journalism studying with Natalie Jesionka, a humanitarian and journalist. It was interesting to have more than 17 people in the studio space and all of them looking at me for a story. Natalie wants them to write a profile piece on me as an assignment. I will be very interested to know what they write and will definitely post it on the blog regardless of the nature of opinion.

I don't really remember what I said even though I spoke for half an hour. But I enjoyed it and I think words flowed easily. I know only a few were listening intently and those were the ones who asked pertinent questions towards the end. A Korean student said he is going to ask me offensive questions-but they turned out to be observations and not offensive at all. How the definition of 'offensive' evades me all the time!!

I did begin the lecture with an exercise though-before any introductions-showed them some of my recent self-portraits and requested each of them to say one word that they associated with the photos-mystery, shadows, black were some of the words.

Was a good day and I think I have found a good friend in Natalie-who knew a blog could do that!

On having & not

2011-06-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

The other day my daughter asked me if she could have ice-cream. I sometimes fuss over petty things with her, probably to mark my dominance. So I said 'No, you can't have it'. She replied, innocently I believe, 'I can't have it, but can I still eat it?'

Like many other little things that make me wonder, I wondered yet again about many things that come under the 'cannot have' list-I cannot have it...but can I taste it, feel it, touch it, dream it....?

Still going

2011-06-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

Recently Natalie Jesionka, a journalist working in Thailand contacted me with the reference of Elizabeth Briel. We met over a plate of dosa and discussed everything from work to passion and how both of these affect you and the ones you love. It was a lovely evening spent with someone who is so accomplished and yet so humble. Currently researching on the issues of human trafficking in Thailand, Natalie also runs her own magazine called 'Shatter the Looking Glass'. As conversation flowed, Natalie showed her interest in bringing her university students over to the Artist@work studio as a field trip. I am nervous and excited to meet the students this week. Wondering when I speak with them, should I be 'responsible' or just honest?!

On a different note, I have injured my right hand with overwork, which I had assumed wouldn't happen only because I was enjoying the work so much. I am slow and frustrated with my limited ability to do much these days. With the exhibition work still pending and some other free-lance projects in full swing, I feel that I have bitten off more than I can chew. So I have decided, I will simply swallow and relish!

Review

2011-06-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Briel wrote about my work and the Artist@Work program. There is no better feeling when people notice and connect with your work. It tells you there must be something you are doing right! Here is her review: . Thank you Elizabeth.

Chameleon

2011-06-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

Adapting to survive is an interesting concept. If only survival was my purpose...

Where...

2011-06-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

Standing on the line between
acceptance and denial
light and darkness
human and animal

where nothing is wrong, nothing is right.

Thank You for Seeing Me

2011-06-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

A life that is based on 'hiding'-hiding one's body, emotions, perceptions, realities and so on. Some people focus on hiding from others for the fear of being judged or simply because they are 'supposed' to. Some just hide from themselves. The struggle to hide leaves you exhausted and some times claustrophobic-feelings that instead of being explored, are again thrown in the perpetual circle of covering up.

What happens when you break the cycle? Judgements, criticism, even disgust by many of your kind are sent your way. But then there is the love, appreciation and understanding you get from others, maybe just a few, who want to 'see', who want to 'hear'.

I am hiding no more. I want to be seen, I want to be heard.

For those who can sense my energy through my work-and who take out the time to show their feelings about it, I thank you. I thank you not just for appreciating-but also for being an important part of this journey I am taking.

Untitled

2011-06-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

I dont have any words today-just this photo.

The ground beneath my feet

2011-06-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

As I swam under the rain today, I realized that at this moment I don't have the ground under my feet. I am somewhere in between the earth and the skies-floating. To find the ground, I will either have to sink and stop breathing, or stop floating and stand. Don't want to do either. Not just yet.

What lies between?

2011-06-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

Today I attended my 5 year old daughter's annual project's presentation at school. The project was about children making their own books and went on to teach them about story, concepts, characters, narration, illustration etc. The title of the presentation mentioned two words that stood out-rationality and imagination. It made me wonder, what lies in between?

I don't know what to call it, but I know that this entire week I was there...between rationality and imagination. Maybe I always am. I end the week with another of my self portraits, hoping that somebody out there is reading my crazy thoughts and looking at my work...hoping that it at some level connects and touches.

My main project needs more attention than I am giving it. I need to go over to the side of rationality for a while. Hoping to get there next week. Happy Friday!!

Light

2011-06-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

Just as you can find light in darkness, you can find darkness in light.

Self

2011-05-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

I updated my intro on my various social media accounts recently. It now says I am a photographer on a journey of self discovery..., which I am, consciously more so since I began my residency at the Pikture Gallery. Some of that exploration is technical-playing with light, being more spontaneous, more uninhibited in my experiments etc. But most of it is turning out to be personal. Very personal.

I understand, a lot of us are shaped as cynics when it comes to abstract concepts about life and your inner self. I was too. But when after 32 years of being alive, I kept aside my fears to find something within, that is deeper and more meaningful than the expected, the moulded, I realized that its not really an easy journey to make and some times not as exciting as I thought it would be.

What if I discover emotions that could defy the very existence of the structure I have built. What if I find the strength to break the limits that I shouldn't?

Momentary Lapses

2011-05-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

A lapse of resolve may lead to acceptance. A lapse of judgement could lead you to your dream. A lapse of faith could reveal the truth you've been seeking. A lapse of silence might make all the difference in travelling that distance.

Here is to all momentary lapses of reason...

A vistor is what I needed!

2011-05-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

I had a visitor today after a long time. Elizabeth Briel, a travel artist, who I coincidentally listened to at the recent Ted-x Krungthep a few months ago, discovered my work on the Bangkok Art Map and took the time out to visit the Artist@Work Studio and talk about my work.

As a new artist, it meant a lot to me that someone as experienced as Elizabeth liked my work and wanted to talk about it. She was soft spoken and so easy to be with, I couldn't stop talking about myself!!

Thanks Elizabeth for the encouraging words and your delightful company and looking forward to your ideas about transforming the studio space for the exhibit.

Reminiscing

2011-05-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

There are times I question, 'am I a feminist?' I remember the the time when I had chopped off my hair for the first time. It was when a proposal for an arranged marriage was on the way-The family visiting had seen my photograph and resume (yes!!) in my graduate directory and decided I would be a good pick to breed their future generation. To avoid that fate, I went and got my hair cut...asking the hair dresser to make me look like a boy. The family after seeing me never returned.

Funny story in retrospect. After 9 years, it makes me think-am I a feminist, or quite the opposite!

Finding the Way

2011-05-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Seems like I am keeping up with my one photo a day regimen as I feel that keeps me in high spirits and makes me ready to spend hours in front of the computer editing my stop motion sequences. It is also making me more spontaneous in my photography. It's a strangely satisfying feeling when you don't plan a shot, don't even think about it much until the moment you are ready to shoot. Probably doesn't work too well with commissioned work...but I am enjoying this process of 'expressing' the moment I am in at that point in time only.

I havent been to the studio in 3 days. Have been editing a crazy sequence at home on the big screen. Feel and look like a zombie.Need some major de-cluttering...of the studio space...of my mind. And definitely of my hard drive!!

Parallels

2011-05-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

I know I heard someone
From close, from far

The screens for the exhibit!

2011-05-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

I am my Canvas!

2011-05-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Briel recently introduced me to the work of Laurie Simmons, an artist who uses different media, including photography and film, to express her art. In her interview regarding one of her photography intensive project , she says that she is an artist who is being a photographer for that particular project.

For me, on the other hand, I am a photographer wanting to be an artist. This whole journey taken with the Pikture Gallery under their ARTIST@WORK program is a quest for that only. With this train of thought, today, I used paint to explore myself further. Learning for today: Invest in some non-toxic paints!!

I might be taking a break on the series of self-portraits for a while (unless I am unable to), as I need to make more progress towards my main project, THE SILENT IMAGES. Out of my seven sequences, I have completed four. The remaining three are very complicated and require long hours of concentration in editing. With the sponsorship money, the screens have been procured and I need to think about their installation in the studio space for the exhibition. The exhibition date has been finalized, August 18, 2011 is the opening night! So excited!!!

Co-existence

2011-05-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Signature Hands

2011-05-19T20:38:00.000-07:00

I have always been told by senior photographers that one should develop a signature style in photography. And for most part I do believe that its commendable to see a photographer's work and immediately know that its his/hers. But personally speaking, I love experimenting new techniques and I always go through phases of a particular style. Casting myself in a 'signature' style might limit my creative process. On the other hand, I have observed that there are certain 'things' I am fascinated with and they seem to recur in a lot of my otherwise mutually exclusive shoots. Candles, hands, shoes...hands :) I think I can safely say that my signature style is called 'unpredictable' and I'm happy with it!

Here is today's shot.

Vestige

2011-05-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

Epiphany

2011-05-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Flickering, unpredictable, and a little blurred...but still so beautiful. Am I defining this image or something else?

Found her

2011-05-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

Guilt

2011-05-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

My freedom=Your loneliness
My closure=Your prelude
My evil=Your virtue

...

Blur

2011-05-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

Our impression of ourselves is largely shaped by our experiences and expectations-own and others'. Erasing that impression leaves you with a blur. Blur is what you need some times...

Do you know me?

2011-05-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

A year ago, new in Bangkok, I decided to attend a dinner arranged by a support group for working moms and got introduced to many lovely ladies. Talking to one of them, I told her about my professional journey colliding with my personal one and how after studying Marketing and working in the field for 9 years I decided to take a leap into photography. I told her I am trying...to make it into a profession as well. That was the time I was still hesitant about calling my self a 'photographer'. I wasn't sure whether I had crossed that line between being or not being someone. Her reply was 'wow, you're brave'. I didn't understand at that time what her compliment meant.

Starting afresh is tough yet exhilarating. Its like consciously giving yourself a second chance. The question is, will the people who have known you to be a certain way all their lives and who are very important to you, give you that second chance? As you move on, the resonance that you had always cherished with your friends and family, starts to diminish. Would my people be brave enough to start all over again in getting to know me?

The images above want to say all this and more.

Untitled

2011-05-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

Norms of femininity
Associated with infirmity
I defy...

You can't walk in my shoes

2011-05-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

I recently saw a photographer's website, on which he says just one line as his introduction: I am not unhappy. It amused me because his photos were also dark like mine. I believe everyone has a dark side which hosts all the negative experiences and associations one has had. It is art, which gives us the opportunity to express all those emotions in a beautiful way. Producing dark work does not mean you are unhappy in the stereotypical definition.

The photos here were taken today, and they are part of the self exploration journey I am taking at the Artist@Work studio. I have never felt so prolific and I will not lose this opportunity to know myself and my art better and maybe stumble upon another series/project after this one.

On my project, I am editing my 2nd sequence and can't wait to start the 3rd one already!! Today I went to receive the cheque from the sponsors. This weekend, I will go shopping for screens.

It's Freedom

2011-05-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

It is like this residency has opened up something inside me. I can't stop clicking even though my main project's shoot has concluded. My fears are dissipating. With my photos, I can say anything I want without any religious, cultural or emotional boundaries. Its freedom and I'm loving it. Every morning, I come to the studio for a very short time-take some photos, self portraits, update the blog and then rush home to start my processing work on the project. It's a strange routine but its working very well.

I have edited my first sequence of stop motion and also its related still image and I am mighty pleased with the result. On to the second sequence now. Cant wait to show somebody!

Here is today's shot

Other side...

2011-05-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

One shot

2011-05-07T23:31:00.000-07:00

Here is one shot from one of the stop motion sequences I am working on.

...

2011-05-05T20:23:00.000-07:00

Today I am not with myself.

Projects within a project

2011-05-04T20:55:00.001-07:00

I have decided to extend my residency and postpone the exhibition until August. I realized after talking to experienced artists that putting together an exhibit is a task that requires time and effort. It's not only about finishing my project-its about transforming the studio into a gallery, deciding on the presentation and preparing material that I would like to distribute on the opening night. So yesterday I got confirmation from Adulaya (Kim) and I have been feeling more energetic and positive since then. My stress about timelines was wearing me down. Now I am ready to resume work with full energy!

After yesterday's shoot, I have decided to keep shooting self portraits at the studio to document my personal progress as an artist, as a person. This residency is helping me come out of my shell, is showing me a way to be free from my own inhibitions and misgivings. These self portraits would be a depiction of that. I am not sure if they will be part of the exhibit or not.

Today was such a day, when I was feeling inspired and emotional. So sitting on the computer and editing was not the way to start. I did some self portraits. Here are some samples.

Procrastinating

2011-05-03T20:14:00.001-07:00

Today when I was on my way to the studio, I was promising myself that I will be super efficient. I will get in the mood to start editing as I have a long long way to go. But when I arrived here, instead I started experimenting with some self portraits. This photo has nothing to do with my project...but everything to do with the studio :)

SILENT IMAGES-about the project

2011-05-02T03:54:00.001-07:00

I have spent the last 3 days relaxing and celebrating the end of Phase 1. Or maybe I am a little hesitant to initiate the next phase. You see, when I start putting things together, the results of the shoot will start emerging. Will it be what I had been imagining it to be?

My project will be called 'Silent Images'-a thousand photos, a million words! A series of seven stop motion videos, displayed with their respective still images. Each sequence will depict my experiences and/or opinion on the 'weak gender'. In all the sequences, I have used a mannequin as my model/subject...depicting a woman, as a being made artificially to conform to the mould it was supposed to fit into. Somewhere along the sequences, you will find glimpses of me-an interaction between what I was supposed to be, to what I am instead.

Why seven sequences, you might wonder? This also has a personal significance in my life. I am still not ready to reveal it. Maybe some day.

Phase 1, complete

2011-04-28T20:31:00.002-07:00

I have finished my shoot. Trying to re-acquaint myself with the studio as a space for editing for the next one month.

Today

2011-04-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

I broke my model

2011-04-26T02:23:00.000-07:00

After today's shoot, when I was trying to wash off the paint from the mannequin's face, one of her eyeballs fell off. Luckily, I was able to rescue it before it went in the drain. I kinda like her though with one eyeball! Good shoot today-lots of words, lots of thoughts...Within this week, I should be able to conclude this set. I want to elaborate more about the project once I am done with the shoot.

Sponsorship

2011-04-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Today, I met with Dr. Sirisumal Laithomya, the Charter President of Zonta International Club of Bangkok-courtesy of a friend who works in one of the schools run by the family. Friends of the royal family, and owners of 3 Thai schools in Bangkok, the family is highly respected and established. I was a little intimidated honestly speaking.

Zonta has consultative status with many international agencies including United Nations Fund for Women. They contribute to the causes related to women's health and training in many countries including Argentina, Bangladesh, Brazil and India. Their work also revolves around protecting the rights of women all over the world and empowering them for a better life.

Zonta has decided to partially sponsor my exhibition, and I couldn't be more thrilled. My first exhibition ever and also as a foreign artist...I am ecstatic :)

Pakistan court acquits suspects in Mukhtaran Mai case

2011-04-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

Pakistan court acquits suspects in Mukhtaran Mai case

A sad day.

Where the thoughts take you...

2011-04-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

Putting together the pieces of a concept seems like the most exciting and natural thing...some times. But there are times when you feel completely blank. No matter how hard you try, your train of thoughts keep going somewhere else. That is what I am experiencing in my next set. So today I decided to shoot what my thoughts were leading me to, without worrying about how exactly it fits (or doesn't). I am sure, this will either develop itself or will at least help me get over my mental block.

This is supposed to be my last set for the shoot. Once this concludes, I will bring a bed over to the studio and spend the next month editing (and re-editing). Here is a sample from the shoot today.

Protagonist's sidekick

2011-04-19T17:55:00.000-07:00

My hesitation to be in front of the camera (in addition to being behind it) is slowly waning. In my current set, I feature myself with all my emotions. It was strangely liberating to speak through yourself. My sense of relief after overcoming my discomfort to be part of the image could be seen in the photograph below, taken for the blog :)

The studio is covered in sand so today is clean up day.

Catharsis

2011-04-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

I have started working on the ending sequence before the other ones. This set is the closest to me. It reminds me that there is hope, for those who fight back and challenge the norms, for those who choose to get out of their state of learned helplessness...for those who vow not to repeat the ills that they suffered themselves.

A million words

2011-04-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

They say a picture is worth a 1000 words...A 1000 pictures will speak volumes then!! At the end of my residency I will present a thousand images...silent images that will speak of many stories, some of them my own.

Stones...

2011-04-12T07:19:00.000-07:00

A woman who is raped is supposed to present 4 adult Male witnesses if she attempts to get justice. If she is unable to, she will be charged with adultery and fornication and jailed. According to a source 88% women in Pakistan's jails are those charged or incriminated in this consideration. Though some amendments have been brought recently but they are partial and do not solve the issue.

Although religiously, a woman who is charged with sex before marriage or adultery must be stoned to death-this is not the practice in Pakistan per se. They have their own methods...

On this and related issues, my next set is intense and maybe gory for some. I am thoroughly enjoying working on it :)

On a different note, happy songkran. I will be taking a break from tomorrow until this sunday.

Blood Thirsty

2011-04-10T22:36:00.000-07:00

Before I head off for Songkran holidays, I need to prepare for my next set, so I am ready to shoot when I come back. The first item I need is blood, fake one. So after surfing the internet, I found some simple recipes and tried one of them.

The Studio

2011-04-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

I love coming to the studio every day. The woman at starbucks greeted me and knew my usual order. The mess I had created yesterday was waiting for me when I arrived...love the familiarity that is developing. The adjacent rooms meant for workshops are full of finished and unfinished paintings. I peek through the kids' workshop area every day to see what work is left out to dry. The floor above is a group of females who are busy making cupcakes while usually giggling and listening to music. When I need a break, I just go down and stand outside the gallery to see the paintings/photographs displayed. And even though its a busy soi outside, somehow the place seems insulated. I am so glad I found out about this.

I have taken a break from shooting and am gathering myself for developing the concept further. I hope to be able to verbalize the concept for myself as words inspire me and bring clarity of thought.

Today, I am just appreciating the fact that I am here :)

Start over

2011-04-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

Today I abandoned the shoot midway-it was not turning out the way I had visualized. After many changes and iterations, I decided to just stop and start over tomorrow on this particular set. The remaining time was spent lying down on the floor looking up at the reflective sheet on the roof. The distorted reflection of the mess I had created today was somehow soothing.

Visitor

2011-04-05T02:41:00.000-07:00

Today I got my first proper visitor and coincidentally it was Melanie, the artist@work before me. She just came over to pick up some of her stuff and I'm glad our paths crossed. Consequently, thanks to the cyber world, I got introduced to many talented artists, friends of Melanie. I was also looking for somebody to compose music for my project and I think Melanie will lead me to the right people. Her parting advice was to relax and enjoy the residency which automatically will lead to good work.

I have been preparing for the my next set for the past two days-It involves tedious, monotonous preparations. I asked Melanie how she managed her project for which she needed to have hundreds of paper butterflies cut. She said her friends helped-she had butterfly making marathons at the studio. Since I don't know many people in Bangkok, I wondered how I can get help. So today, I have brought work home. After all, my husband claims to be my best friend :)

Marriage...

2011-04-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

'When rape is inevitable, you might as well enjoy it', says a father to his daughter who wants to get out of a bad marriage. That sums up the premise of the institution of marriage intended for women in our society.

My next set, will express my strong feelings against traditions such as dowry and the lack of rights of a woman in a marriage dictated primarily by religion and its convenient interpretations.

It's Friday!

2011-03-31T23:19:00.000-07:00

Today is turning out to be a good day. I am closer to figuring out how to do the current set. Didn't rush my self and so felt more creative and productive.

Got featured in the Bangkok Art Map for this project. Its a good feeling for someone like me to be part of something like this. It did make me think though whether people will like my work or not...

Failed Attempt

2011-03-31T06:20:00.000-07:00

I hope nobody saw me or heard me at work today...It was a difficult day and I was not able to do what I wanted. After hundreds of photos, I wrapped up and left the studio not too happy. I have new found respect for installation artists and other artisans. After this project is over, I am sure I will enroll myself in some art classes. The kind of work I want to do with photography would benefit tremendously if I get a better sense of different materials. I also need to get better with tools (other than camera and lights)!

It's evening and I have relaxed a little. I need to enjoy this process. Always being too focused on the destination makes me get impatient with the journey of getting there. Tomorrow I will spend time thinking and planning. I usually take the weekend off for some mommy duties. Monday I will start afresh.

On the upside, I have started feeling quite at home at the studio. Feels like I've been going there for a long time :)

Snip, snip

2011-03-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

Today I started preparation for my next set. For this set, I need to create something to photograph it-I am not really used to spending the time and effort to make things with my hands-my thing is taking pictures! So it turned out to be quite challenging. I ended up cutting my finger and got frustrated pretty quickly. Its one thing to visualize something (over and over again) and another to try to make it yourself. To figure out how to do it, I need to experiment a bit. There wont be lights, camera, action and cut on this set until I am able to do it. Oh yes, and it involves flowers…lots of them!

Half a person

2011-03-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

In my country, in the court of law, I will be considered half a witness by virtue of being a woman...

PS: Today I shot set#2. My model was rather uncooperative as her hands kept falling off when I moved them under the weight of the fabric. In the above photo we pose together for the blog! Tomorrow, we will work more on the same concept.

بیٹیاں-Baitiyaan

2011-03-26T05:13:00.000-07:00

Procreating sons instead of daughters is such a strong desire for some, whether it’s for themselves or for their loved ones. Wishing for something is everyone’s right, as long as you don’t undervalue what you get if it’s not what you want. The irony is that it is the ‘mothers’ themselves who promote and project this- A woman who has faced difficulties on her perceived inability to give the family a son, is the same woman who sympathizes with her own daughter on giving birth to a girl. Her eternal wish for her daughter is to produce a son.
Economic reasons play an important factor in this specific proclivity. Social values and religious interpretations also make having daughters more of a burden in our society. The fact that both species are human beings, capable of loving and being loved becomes secondary.
Yes, I am sensitive about this. So is my first set for the project :) The title of this post: بیٹیاں is the Urdu word for daughters.

P.S: My camera is fine after some cleaning up- So all is well, that ends well.

Oops!

2011-03-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

The worst has happened....There is something wrong with my camera. Half way through the shoot, it gave up on me. I am in panic right now. Need to find out about Nikon Service Centres.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Test Shoot-Set 1

2011-03-23T06:09:00.000-07:00

There is a little girl who comes everyday for an art class, just one room ahead. Every day she used to pass by my studio, without as much as a second look. Today, she stopped to watch-the reason- I put up large pieces of paper to cover the walls of the studio... When I tried to hide, the little girl got interested! She found the gaps between the paper sheets and stood peeking at me doing my first test shoot. Of course as soon as I spotted her, she ran away.

My test shoot went well. It felt great to get to action. I got the sense of space and how to effectively utilize it. Also, it helped me rationalize some of the shots I have in mind for the concept. Tomorrow, I will re-shoot the same set, until I am satisfied with the results. Looking forward.

disjointed thoughts

2011-03-22T03:48:00.000-07:00

I am finding it challenging and frustrating to turn on and off the artist. Every morning when I enter the Artist@work studio, I try to shut off everything that happens outside that space. With the phone ringing and sms's seeking urgent replies, its not easy. I warm up and start making progress with my concept and the clock ticks 2. Time to go and be a mommy. Every day I resolve to return to the studio at night, but after the homework, playtime, swimming classes, cooking etc., all I want to do is creep into bed. I love my family, but for the next 2-3 months, I need a sabbatical from my other responsibilities-Aint happening!

On Sunday, over a romantic dinner with my husband, I told him about my concept...and we ended up in an argument. As supportive as he is of me and my work, especially considering that he comes from a very traditional family, he reminds me of my limits once in a while. He reminds me that it is that society I belong to and always will. So I should not say something that will offend people to an extent that ignites anger. I of course, don't agree!

As far as my progress is concerned, I have penned down the broad idea. Need to find the right props which is turning out to be more challenging than I thought. I left the studio today around 12, for another visit to China Town. Found a couple of things, didn't find many. Tomorrow has the same agenda-A little concept work and then off to MBK for prop hunting. Once I start shooting, I know I wouldn't want to break until its finished. So I need to have everything before I begin. With Songkran coming, i'll probably be working nights mostly as it will be school holidays. Some elements of the story still need to be worked out. I will be using words for those sets, words that I have to write.

My project is going to be 'post intensive'. What I have in mind will take much longer to process and put together than just the shoot. I will reveal what I have in mind once I have done some test shots and I am sure that I can pull it off. It's a risk, but I'll tell you when it starts to pay off (fingers crossed).

Sanf-e-Nazuk

2011-03-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

Most of my life, I have felt limited because of my gender. The society I belong to, propagates that quite explicitly. Most rules and restrictions pertain to the female kind there. I still remember in my religious studies class at the university, the professor wrote the word 'Khumr', which means losing your senses. He said the religion advises to stay away from things that make you lose your senses, whether its booze, excessive money or...'women'. The woman is the temptation, among other things.

My project will be titled 'Sanf-e-Nazuk', which is commonly referred to the womankind where I am from. It is taken usually as a compliment even by women themselves and is considered the quintessential definition of a female. Sanf-e-Nazuk, the weak gender.